


The Interview

by Coppercurls



Series: Improvised Healing [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, I would recommend reading the series first, Post canon, Questionable fashion, a good time, but really just a fun time, the kids do an interview, vague homophobia/transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 10:16:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppercurls/pseuds/Coppercurls
Summary: Grace and Reginald are away and Pogo is in over his head. And he's just been told the children have an interview.But, How badly could it go?





	The Interview

Sir Reginald Hargreeves did indeed have a life outside of his ‘children.’ As such he was often away from the mansion on business. 

There were many times when the children were left in the care of Grace and Pogo, and Reginald’s short absence would change nothing of their routine, other that grant them slight ease of mind.

Thus, when Reginald was called away with short notice, he did not feel that was an opportunity for his household to go awry.

In fact, if the situation was only precedented by Reginald’s absence, all would have been well. But we must, of course, consider all contributing factors. 

Factor 1: The children were, at this point in the timeline, not actually children. They hadn’t been for nearing two years, and regardless of their noble reasonings, reliving the trauma of their childhood home was beginning to chafe. 

Factor 2: At the time of Reginald’s departure, Pogo was the only ‘adult’ in the mansion. Grace was off with Vanya, setting her up to attend a music school in the fall. Pogo was not an artificial intelligence created as a caretaker for six superpowered (and one ordinary) children. Even before Reginald was called away, he was overwhelmed. 

Factor 3: Regardless of his genetic modifications, Pogo was a chimp. An old chimp. And as such, he did not have to deal with teenaged human fluids covering his clothes, meaning he washed his clothes far less frequently than Grace washed the children’s. 

All of these facts culminated the night before the ‘superheroes’ had an interview. 

Scene 1

[The Hargreeves’ mansion foyer. Dimly lit but a phone trills sharply. A very short (man?) figure approaches phone and answers.]

POGO: Hargreeves’ household, may I ask who I’m speaking with?

REGINALD: *through phone* Ah, Pogo. I forgot to mention before I left, the children have an interview tomorrow, I have a car scheduled to pick them up at nine forty-five. Make sure they won’t be a disgrace.

POGO: Yes, sir.

Scene 2

[ALLISON’s room, brightly lit with the room’s light fixtures, lamps, and fairy lights. There are two beds. ALLISON is on the messier one, sitting against the wall and drawing in her sketch book. BEN is sitting in the desk chair, reading. KLAUS is sprawled face down on the more barren bed.]

KLAUS: I swear on the powers of God and anime this uniform is getting worse!

[BEN snorts & flips a page]

KLAUS: *muffled against mattress* You mock my pain.

ALLISON: Life is pain, highness, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

KLAUS: Fuck outta here with your Princess Bride shit. 

[ALLISON easily dodges the pillow KLAUS throws at her.]

ALLISON: It’s the same shitty, unimaginative, restrictive uniform it always is, Klaus. 

[KLAUS groans but doesn’t keep complaining. After a moment, DIEGO enters. He lifts KLAUS’s legs out of the way so he can sit on the bed. DIEGO is not wearing his uniform. Instead he is wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans.]

ALLISON: I see you’re breaking the rules of fashion there, D.

[KLAUS springs up to a sitting position. He looks excited until he sees DIEGO’s very plain outfit.]

KLAUS: *muttering* At least it’s not a BDSM suit.

DIEGO: *ignoring KLAUS* I don’t think Pogo knows how to do laundry. I don’t have any clean uniforms left, and Mom isn’t back for days.

KLAUS: That’s what’s wrong with it! *he starts stripping* It smells!

BEN: Huh, I thought that was just you.

[KLAUS throws his balled up blazer at BEN.]

ALLISON: It’s not like Pogo will care if we wear street clothes some, not with Reginald gone. We’ll be fine. 

BEN: We could do our own laundry?

[All three of his siblings snort or giggle.]

ALLISON: Just so I can wear this gross ass uniform? Absolutely not.

KLAUS: My time as a fashionista has come.

Scene 3

[Ornate dining room. RHYS pops around setting the table. POGO struggles with the record player. KLAUS is filling glasses with water. The other CHILDREN flit in and out of the kitchen to bring food to the table. DIEGO starts plating portions.]

[EVERYONE takes a seat except POGO, who appears to give up on the record player.]

POGO: I think we’ll just postpone the lectures on tactics of guerilla warfare for another evening. *he shakes his head* Feel free to talk amongst yourselves. 

[Conversation is indistinct, and after an extended moment, ALLISON BEN and DIEGO begin clearing away plates, indicating to the audience that more time passed than they were privy to.]

POGO: Ah, children, before you disperse, Sir Reginald has informed me that you have an interview tomorrow. All morning activities will be set aside in preparation. A car will pick you up at nine forty-five. I’m unsure of how long it will take, so once you return we can set the afternoon schedule.

[The CHILDREN do not seem enthused at this announcement.]

LUTHER: What kind of interview is it?

POGO: I’m not sure, Master Luther. Sir did not say.

DIEGO: *said with a stutter* Is it—Is it all—all of us?

POGO: Yes, Master Diego. I imagine it will be much like your other group interviews. 

RHYS: *annoyed* I suppose Reginald has instructed you to make sure we maintain our image and do the family name proud.

POGO: Not in as many words. *he sighs* Any other questions? *CHILDREN shake their heads* Alright. If you could gather in the foyer by nine thirty so I can check you over, that would be excellent. Breakfast will be on your own. Individual studies tonight, as always.

[A mischievous smile appears on KLAUS’s face. The rest of the CHILDREN begin to exit, but he stays by the table, standing now.]

KLAUS: Pogo? *POGO looks at him* Do you think we could go on a walk tonight instead of studying? I want to see the city when we aren’t saving it. 

[The CHILDREN look confused. POGO looks tired.]

POGO: I suppose you’ll be going out regardless of what I say, Master Klaus. Would the rest of you like to go as well?

DIEGO: I mean, yeah.

BEN: It sounds like fun. 

POGO: *sighs* Be back by ten or your father will have my hide.

[The CHILDREN all look ecstatic, chattering and thanking POGO as they EXIT.]

Scene 4

[Outside, lamppost and bushes, still day. The CHILDREN enter stage right.]

ALLISON: Okay, so, what are we doing?

KLAUS: *grinning* You all grabbed your money, yeah? Like I said?

RHYS: *eyes narrowed* I’m not funding this excursion.

DIEGO: *rolling eyes* We have our money, Klaus. What’s up?

KLAUS: *spinning/dancing as he walks* Luther, Rhys’s peanut butter cups, I assume your uniforms are all dirty?

LUTHER: *frowning* We need to wash those for the interview.

[ALLISON is struck with realization. She grabs KLAUS’s arm with a smile.]

ALLISON: No.

KLAUS: Oh, yes, sister dear.

ALLISON: *with an almost scary grin* I call Luther. And Ben.

KLAUS: Perfect.

[RHYS seems to understand as well. His face is frozen in an ‘I’m too old for this shit’ look. BEN DIEGO and LUTHER still seem confused. ALLISON and KLAUS take the lead, chatting animatedly. ALL EXIT.]

Scene 5

[A consignment store, filled wall to wall with racks. LUTHER stands right behind ALLISON, arms filled with a pile of clothes that she is continuously adding to. DIEGO is standing in the corner, a scowl on his face but his eyes are soft in amusement. KLAUS is flitting through the store, picking up and discarding clothes too quickly to follow. RHYS peruses the rows slowly, running his fingers over the fabrics. BEN is looking solely at shoes.]

[Camera focuses on LUTHER and ALLISON.]

ALLISON: So *she examines another article of clothing*, I’ll probably stick with a printed dress, maybe some accessories, for the interview. I’m gonna buy more while we’re out, though, of course.

LUTHER: *slightly overwhelmed but amused* Of course. 

ALLISON: *play scowls* But we need to find your style. And Ben’s, but he’s got a start on his own. *she sets the shirt she was considering onto the pile* The focus is an outfit for tomorrow, but you’ve barely got any street clothes, so we’ve gotta fix that. 

LUTHER: *nods* Could I try corduroys? They look comfy.

[ALLISON nods enthusiastically and pulls LUTHER to the other side of the store.]

[Camera shifts to DIEGO. He is leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. His scowl has dropped and he now just looks amused.]

[KLAUS approaches him with an armful of outfits. DIEGO raises his eyebrows.]

KLAUS: Rhys seems to be having fun wandering, so let’s start with you! *his exuberant movements are restricted by what he’s holding* We’re going to the dressing rooms.

[DIEGO follows and watches KLAUS divide what he’s holding between two rooms.]

DIEGO: *eyebrows raised* You’re trying on stuff too? What, you don’t have enough back home?

KLAUS: *winks* I can never have enough clothing. Anyways, I just need to quick check the fit, you’re the one doing a fashion show.

[Montage of DIEGO wearing increasingly ridiculous outfits and looking increasingly less amused. Finally,]

DIEGO: *frustrated* Klaus! Even you’ve got to know I look like a blind pig chose my outfit!

[KLAUS breaks down laughing.]

DIEGO: *stiff with sudden anger* You’ve been fucking with me.

KLAUS: *shaking off his laughter* Of course! Besides, I have the perfect outfit for you! You should definitely pierce your ear though. 

[DIEGO looks ready to explode.]

[Camera shifts to RHYS. He has accumulated a few garments of clothing, mostly in neutral or earth tones. KLAUS approaches him and rifles through what he’s holding. He freezes while looking at a piece the audience can’t see.]

KLAUS: Oh?

RHYS: Oh. *KLAUS opens his mouth but RHYS continues* Apocalypse.

[KLAUS doesn’t look convinced, but he lets it go.]

[Camera shifts to BEN. ALLISON has already joined him. They are standing in front of a wall of shoes.]

ALLISON: Wait, so you wore a hoodie and black skinny jeans and converse all your afterlife?

BEN: It’s not like I could go shopping.

ALLISON: And… all your fashion knowledge comes through Klaus?

BEN: Oh, don’t worry Al, even I know his style is best left unique to him. I’m not really sure what I like, though.

ALLISON: *smiles* Well, shoes are a good place to start. Are we looking for comfort or aesthetic?

BEN: Maybe a pair of both?

[BEN and ALLISON collected pairs, and Ben tried each of them on, including a pair of sling-back red heels. They both consider them before BEN shakes his head.]

[Camera shifts to show the six of them duping their finds on the counter in front of an indifferent CLERK. All CHILDREN look happy, in their varying expressions of it.]

Scene 6

[Outside, it is decidedly night. The CHILDREN are all walking down the sidewalk, but the focus is on KLAUS and ALLISON.]

[ALLISON sees a drug store and freezes.]

ALLISON: Klaus, do you see that? Do you have any more money?

KLAUS: What? Nope, sister dear, I’m fresh outta cash. Rhys probably has more, the little bastard. What are we getting?

ALLISON: *ignores him* Rhys! *he looks at her* Do you have any money left over?

RHYS: *raises his eyebrow* Yes. Are we stopping somewhere else?

ALLISON: I am! Can I borrow it?

[RHYS looks suspicious, but he hands her a twenty.]

ALLISON: Thanks! I’ll be right back.

[She takes off towards the drug store. Her BROTHERS look confused, KLAUS follows her.]

Scene 7

[In the drugstore. ALLISON is quickly scanning through shelves and aisles, KLAUS is pestering her.]

KLAUS: Can I get this? *he is holding a bag of Cheetos*

ALLISON: *glances at him* No. *a pause* Maybe, I don’t know if I’ll have extra.

KLAUS: What are we doing?

ALLISON: Just wait. *they turn into the next aisle, she smiles* Here we are! *she grabs a box off the shelf* How’d you think my hair would look purple?

KLAUS: *with a face splitting smile* Yes.

[They begin to conspire.]

Scene 8

[POGO is standing in the mansion foyer. He glances at his watch, visibly nervous. After a moment of this, the CHILDREN thunder down the stairs as a herd, other than RHYS who pops down to meet them.]

POGO: Oh thank goodness you’re all here, the car will-- *he falters* Where… Where are your uniforms?

[KLAUS feigns confusion.]

LUTHER: Most of ours are dirty, and we didn’t want to only have some of us in them?

POGO: *stricken* Well… We haven’t got the time to waste, I suppose. Let me give you all a quick look over.

[LUTHER is wearing his typical sneakers with maroon corduroys. He has on a NASA t-shirt with a light wash jean jacket over it. It looks like someone put product in his hair to give it a bit of style.]

[DIEGO looks like a 50s greaser. Canvas shoes, blue jeans, white t-shirt, leather jacket, the whole deal. He has a ring on his right pinkie finger, it looks to be one of his mom’s. His ears are inflamed and slightly swollen and each sporting a new silver ball. He keeps trying to fidget with them, but ALLISON smacks him before he can touch them every time.]

[ALLISON is the most noticeably different. Her curls have been dyed a bright cobalt/lilac purple. She’s wearing a light blue t-shirt under an overall-style floral skirt. The skirt is in dark reds and blues and medium/light purples. She has bangles up one wrist and is wearing nude flats.]

[KLAUS is wearing jeans and a button up shirt. That’s the only way to describe it without his father having an aneurism. His shirt is a bright orange/yellow/green paisley button up with gigantic trumpet sleeves. It’s not tucked into his jeans. The blue jeans with bell bottoms so large they almost hide his bright orange platform heels. Almost. To top it all off he has on his eyeliner and some mascara and the product in his hair is emphasizing curls.]

[RHYS has stuck with the hardy hiking boots he got soon after getting to the past. Over that is a button up khaki dress that falls to his mid-calf. He has a belt on his waist, it’s also holding down a dark blue/black flannel.]

[BEN is wearing gray-ish skinny jeans and a white shirt with thin red, blue, and black stripes. He has on a pair of bright red high-top converse. His hair is mostly covered by a black beanie, but there’s enough out to frame his face. He’s also wearing red lipstick.]

POGO: *muttering to himself* Maybe we could just reschedule? Or cancel. Does Reginald even watch these? *out loud* Please tell me you have your masks. 

[DIEGO pulls all the domino masks from his pocket and distributes them.]

POGO: Alright *he takes a steadying breath* *he’s about to speak when a car horn sounds* Oh! That will be your ride. Right. Well, Klaus, you know the rules about swearing. Diego, don’t throw things at people unless they ask you to. Rhys, we know you’re smarter than everyone, don’t be rude about it. Good luck!

[The CHILDREN are waving farewell and filing out as he lists the reminders, the door closing with his last sentence. As LUTHER exits, he seems to shine in the sun more than typical, maybe glitter? But no, LUTHER is too straight-laced for that.]

Scene 9

[Inside a limousine with all CHILDREN. Mood is light.]

LUTHER: I can’t believe you drenched me in your glittery perfume, Klaus. That’s too much.

[KLAUS cackles.]

BEN: Oh no, too much was when he saw Diego’s earrings. I thought Pogo’s eyes were going to pop out.

DIEGO: *going to rub his earring but ALLISON slaps him* Says mister lipstick.

KLAUS: That lipstick looks great and you know it!

ALLISON: Klaus, we’ve taken away your rights to having fashion opinions.

KLAUS: *pouting* I would blend right in in ’69.

RHYS: No, you wouldn’t.

[The CHILDREN laugh and continue joking. LUTHER rubs at his arm, as if trying to get the glitter off.]

Scene 10

[An interview set. The CHILDREN are arranged across two couches in ‘numerical’ order, LUTHER is farthest from the interviewers, BEN closest. There are two interviewers, LILA and JEREMY.]

LILA: You are all used to the interview process, yeah? *she doesn’t wait for a response* So we’ll introduce you, talk about your work, your powers. You have a following, so we’ll spend most of the interview on more pop and personal questions, with some fun activities at the end, both power based and random.

JEREMY: That being said, are there any topics you’d like to avoid?

ALLISON: Will this be edited?

JEREMY: Yes, of course. This will be a 60 minute segment airing next week, and we’re hoping to get at least 90 minutes of footage.

BEN: Can we just tell you if we’d rather avoid a question as it comes up?

[LILA and JEREMY glance at each other.]

LILA: Of course. We know you are quite regimented on your public personas.

[The INTERVIEWERS are clearly taking in the CHILDREN’s appearance. The CHILDREN pretend not to notice.]

CREW: Alright, filming in three… two… one…

JEREMY: Hello and good evening viewers! 

LILA: We’re back to you this week with a new interview: The kids of the Umbrella Academy!

[Camera pans to show each child’s face before returning to LILA and JEREMY.]

JEREMY: I’m sure you’ve all heard of them. Ever since their debut as superpowered vigilantes two years ago, they’ve stayed in America’s limelight. 

LILA: *brass laughter* I’d say they were America’s sweethearts, Jeremy, but we’ve seen these kids handle some intense situations.

JEREMY: Indeed, they face the world with professionalism and vigor, but what are they like under their masks?

LILA: That’s what we’re here to find out. So stay tuned, folks.

[LILA and JEREMY relax out of their show personas and face the CHILDREN rather than the cameras.]

JEREMY: Okay, so here, we’ll cut to each of you giving a close-up introduction of yourself and your powers, then we’ll jump to the interview. Who wants to go first?

[They all instinctively look to LUTHER. He looks uncomfortable. And still glittery.]

LUTHER: Um, ok. *a pause before he is given the go ahead* *his smile is a bit stiff* Hi, I’m Number One, Luther. I have super strength. *he pauses* Was that alright?

KLAUS: *over LILA’s reassurance* How much do you even bench bro?

LUTHER: *awkward but thoughtful* Um, I think the max I’ve done is 1175? But for my regular workouts I stick to around 1050. I’ve actually mainly been focusing on legs recently.

[KLAUS whistles. The camera shifts to DIEGO.]

DIEGO: I’m Die-ego, Numb-ber T-two. *he winces* Can I go again? *a pause as he waits for the confirmation* O-ok, thanks. *another pause, he takes a deep breath* I’m Diego, Number Two. My superpower is projectile manipulation.

LUTHER: *leans into the shot* *seriously* He also doesn’t need to breathe.

[DIEGO pushes him out of the frame. LILA and JEREMY are shocked they are displaying this much… childishness.]

ALLISON: *with a killer smile* I’m Number Three, Allison. I can persuade people. 

[The camera pans over just in time to see KLAUS waggling his eyebrows.]

KLAUS: Guten Tag! I’m Klaus, aka numero cuatro. I communicate with the dead.

[BEN climbs over RHYS to get into the shot.]

BEN: He also has the extraordinary ability to never shut up.

[DIEGO snorts at that. The camera pans to RHYS, catching BEN’s return to his seat.]

RYHS: I’m Rhys, formerly known as Five. *he blips out of his seat and returns momentarily with a cup of coffee and he simply nods at the camera*

[The camera waits a moment before moving to BEN.]

BEN: Hi, I’m Ben, full name Benedick—

KLAUS: *shouting* Bennifer!

BEN: *face unchanging* Benedick, after the Shakespeare character, and I’m Number Six. My intestinal region is an interdimensional portal that can bring a Lovecraftian horror into this plane of reality.

[It must be noted that BEN has never said this much about his powers before.] [RYHS leans into the frame.]

RHYS: *deadpan* He is also the only one of my siblings to have a brain cell.

[LUTHER protests and KLAUS drapes his entire body over RHYS while laughing. RHYS manages to not spill his coffee.] 

JEREMY: That was perfect, guys.

LILA: Yeah, you’re normally all so somber when you’re in the public eye. What’s different this time?

[The CHILDREN discreetly stiffen and catch each others’ eyes.]

ALLISON: We don’t do a lot of interviews in this type of environment.

RHYS: *jumping in* Many of our public appearances occur after missions. Those can be quite tiring, and we are often more focused on leaving quickly than creating public personas.

KLAUS: Besides, *he lounges back and dramatically gestures to his clothing* We look fabulous.

[By this point, all of the CHILDREN are aware that they’re still being filmed.]

LILA: *with an odd smile* Ah, yes, I was hoping we’d be able to discuss your new looks.

JEREMY: They are quite the statement. 

LUTHER: Well, a uniform can become monotonous. 

DIEGO: Anyways, our mo—

BEN: *interrupting* Our caretaker.

DIEGO: *vigorously nodding* Yeah, yeah, Our caretaker, Grace. She’s out of town this week, taking *he gulps* Um, taking her daughter to school. Move her in and such.

ALLISON: *light laugh* Our butler doesn’t have much… laundry ability. So we were out of clean uniforms.

[EVERYONE chuckles.]

KLAUS: Now we can have style!

[KLAUS manages to hit both ALLISON and RHYS with his trumpet sleeves as he gestures.]

JEREMY: *leans forward* Yes, yes, we’ve noticed some of you have chosen rather….

LILA: Creative?

JEREMY: Yes! Creative looks. Rhys, I noticed you’re wearing a girl’s dress? Did you lose a bet?

LILA: And Ben, your lipstick is really… something. Luther, that glitter.

[The INTERVIEWERS have a humorous tone, but it does not spread to the CHILDREN. ALLISON is wearing a polite ‘fuck you’ smile and DIEGO looks downright murderous.]

RHYS: *head tilted as if confused* But it’s not a girl’s dress. It’s my dress.

JEREMY: *his humor becomes more fake* But—

RHYS: Delores likes it as well.

LILA: Is Delores a crush of yours? *latching onto the subject change* After all, you’re getting to that age, and you’re all so good looking.

JEREMY: And famous to boot. *he winks at LUTHER, who blushes*

[The CHILDREN are relieved the conversation has shifted.]

KLAUS: Heck yeah, we’re hot stuff!

RHYS: *ignoring KLAUS* *straight faced* I fully intend to marry Delores in the future.

[The CHILDREN stay carefully neutral.]

LILA: *smiling* Delores, huh?

JEREMY: You mentioned your caretaker has a daughter. Is that her?

RHYS: No.

BEN & KLAUS: *creating chaotic dissent*

[DIEGO gags. ALLISON has the presence of mind to respond.]

ALLISON: Vanya is our sister *LUTHER nods emphatically* Grace has been with us since we were all four. 

KLAUS: She’s our little-est sister!

RHYS: I could not ever consider dating her, not at all.

DIEGO: We all love her—

ALLISON: Dearly—

LUTHER: But no. 

BEN: No.

[Both INTERVIEWERS are laughing in good faith.]

LILA: Alright, alright. So that leaves us with Rhys and the mysterious Delores, what about the rest of you?

[The CHILDREN all look lightly struck by this question. Unseen to the camera, which focuses on DIEGO as he begins to speak, KLAUS and ALLISON are having an intense and silent conversation.]

DIEGO: I think… *he pauses, gathering his thoughts* I think I’ll fall in love one day. Someone who matches me in wit, and ferocity. I don’t know if anything before that will matter.

[LILA is smiling softly.]

JEREMY: Well, son? With that and your new look, the ladies will be swooning.

[DIEGO goes beet red.]

LUTHER: *taking the attention off DIEGO* *jokingly* It’s not like we get out much, fighting crime isn’t a one-and-done job.

[JEREMY, LILA, DIEGO, and BEN laugh.]

LILA: In that case, any celebrities caught your eye?

BEN: Oh no.

KLAUS: *talking over BEN* Yes!

ALLISON: *laughing* Me and Klaus have watched Pirates of the Caribbean too many times to justify. 

KLAUS: Keira Knightley? Orlando Bloom? Pirates? How could we not!

LILA: *addressing ALLISON* So Orlando Bloom is your type?

ALLISON: Oh! Um—

KLAUS: Oh, no no no. I’m in it for him. Have you seen his eyes? She comes with for the popcorn and pirates.

[Both INTERVIEWERS clearly are shocked and want to keep talking about this, but BEN starts talking.]

BEN: I watched with them a few times, Keira Knightley is fantastic of course, but the plot became too repetitive. 

DIEGO: They never let the rest of us choose movies either.

LUTHER: Well, last time you picked a movie we had to sit through the live-action Scooby Doo.

DIEGO: It’s better than your My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

[LUTHER is about to continue arguing, but RHYS interrupts.]

RHYS: Dear God, can we get on with the interview? We’re not here to listen to the argument we hear every movie night.

[LUTHER and DIEGO grumble, and the rest of the SIBLINGS are varying states of annoyed and amused. They look to the INTERVIEWERS expectantly. There’s a pause as they seem to collect themselves.]

JEREMY: I’m sure you don’t only train and watch movies. What do you do in your free time? 

KLAUS: *brightening* My nail art is getting good! Look at Ally’s.

[KLAUS pulls ALLISON off the chair and over to LILA and JEREMY. ALLISON’s nails are cream marbled with the color of her new hair dye. They insert an image in post production. Jeremy whistles.]

LILA: *jokingly* You’ll have to do my nails sometime.

KLAUS: *joking back* Time and place, sister. 

ALLISON: He and Ben have also been helping me learn to draw. I’ve been working on some fashion design.

BEN: She’s really been coming along well! I’d mostly moved to pastels and charcoals, so it’s really nice to keep refining the basic skills.

JEREMY: You’re all so artsy, that must be a nice break from the crime fighting. 

KLAUS: *laughing* That’s just the three of us, Wait til you hear Luther and Rhys.

LUTHER: *blushing* I can be artsy!

BEN: Bro. You spend most of your time researching plants and space.

ALLISON: *a mischievous glint in her eyes* Remind me, Luther, why is that?

LUTHER: *blush deepening* *incoherent mumbling*

JEREMY: I’m sorry, I don’t think the mic caught that.

LUTHER: *literally so red* I want to build a greenhouse on the moon. *his SIBLINGS are all holding back giggles* And other planets!

LILA: That’s right! Your codename is Space boy *LUTHER nods* I think I understand now.

JEREMY: What about the other two? Rhys? Diego?

RHYS: Particle physics.

[KLAUS cracks up, the INTERVIEWERS seem blindsided.] 

LILA: Come again?

RHYS: Particle physics. *he considers* More molecular, recently.

DIEGO: *saving the INTERVIEWERS from having to process that* I used to teach Vanya—

BEN: *cutting in* Our caretaker’s daughter.

DIEGO: --self-defense, but since she’s moving, I’ll have to figure out what to do with my new free time.

KLAUS: *beckons the camera over* He wants to go out for baseball.

[DIEGO throws a pen from his pocket at KLAUS, who is cackling.]

LUTHER: Wait, wouldn’t that be cheating?

DIEGO: *scowling* That’s what the high school coach said when I asked to try out.

[ALLISON snorts.]

[Off camera, the INTERVIEWERS seem overwhelmed. The CREW calls for a break.]

Scene 11

[The CHILDREN are laughing as they reenter the mansion. POGO is waiting for them, looking as stressed as a monkey could be. He doesn’t say anything, just watches as the CHILDREN make their way to the kitchen for an early dinner.]

LUTHER: Pogo?

POGO: *startles* Yes, Master Luther?

LUTHER: Dad never watches the interviews.

[LUTHER exits, the last child to do so. POGO looks relieved.]

POGO: All the same, all the same. Time for laundry. 

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a fluffy/low-key crack hiatus fic that nobody asked for.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
